You’re Asking For It!
Do you get what you want? If you say no, maybe you actually are getting what you ask for, but you are asking for the wrong things and don’t even realize it!
Many people are afraid to ask for what they want. I believe this is a fear-based paralysis. People are afraid to ask because they don’t want to hear no and feel rejected, or they fear the repercussions of asking. Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen wrote a great book called The Aladdin Factor a number of years ago, and it is all about asking. Asking for what you want – who knew you could write a whole book about that? But they did and it is a great one. (You can find it in my Shop First Class store if you’d like to check it out.)
But what if you are actually asking all the time and don’t even know it? What if you are getting exactly what you ask for, and getting it constantly? Think I’m crazy? Let me tell you a story.
For many months I knew what I wanted in my job. I was pregnant and knew that I wanted to work fewer hours. I also knew that answering client phone calls with my baby in the room (as I work from home) would eventually be a non-starter as soon as he became more vocal. Babbling babies, while adorable, aren’t exactly the professional experience my clients would be expecting. So I imagined my ideal transition position: part time hours and just doing the work behind the scenes with little or no client contact.
As soon as I thought of it, I immediately dismissed it. Not possible, I thought. No one does that. It will be hard enough working reduced hours, but then no client phone calls? No employer is going to want that. Because I didn’t believe in it, I didn’t ask for it. Instead, I had “asked” for a stressful work situation by failing to ask for what I did want.
But months later I was in the very position I knew would happen: my sweet baby crawling around while I worked, babbling and occasionally yelling or crying, and my ringing phone going unanswered until he was napping or being looked after by my husband. It was a stressful position as I knew I wasn’t fulfilling my obligation to my employer or to my clients. I remembered my ideal position, and started talking about it.
I talked about it to my husband. I brought it up with friends. Then I happened to mention it to the right person who said, “Hey, why don’t you call my friend Sue? I think she might have a spot like that for you.”
So I did talk to Sue and was very quickly offered the position, not just as I imagined it…even better! And it was all because I stopped complaining about having what I didn’t want and started talking about what I did want. It made all the difference in the world.
Are you “asking” for more of what you don’t want by complaining, commiserating or feeling trapped? Try turning it around and talking about improvements or what it would be like if…if my workload eased up, if I had more reliable transportation, if I had a better relationship with my family. Play the “what if” game in a positive way and feel free to visualize all the wonderful things that could be yours, if only you would ask for them!