You’re Asking For It!

 In Inner First Class

Do you get what you want? If you say no, maybe you actually are getting what you ask for, but you are asking for the wrong things and don’t even realize it!

Many people are afraid to ask for what they want. I believe this is a fear-based paralysis. People are afraid to ask because they don’t want to hear no and feel rejected, or they fear the repercussions of asking. Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen wrote a great book called The Aladdin Factor a number of years ago, and it is all about asking. Asking for what you want – who knew you could write a whole book about that? But they did and it is a great one. (You can find it in my Shop First Class store if you’d like to check it out.)

But what if you are actually asking all the time and don’t even know it? What if you are getting exactly what you ask for, and getting it constantly? Think I’m crazy? Let me tell you a story.

For many months I knew what I wanted in my job. I was pregnant and knew that I wanted to work fewer hours. I also knew that answering client phone calls with my baby in the room (as I work from home) would eventually be a non-starter as soon as he became more vocal. Babbling babies, while adorable, aren’t exactly the professional experience my clients would be expecting. So I imagined my ideal transition position: part time hours and just doing the work behind the scenes with little or no client contact.

As soon as I thought of it, I immediately dismissed it. Not possible, I thought. No one does that. It will be hard enough working reduced hours, but then no client phone calls? No employer is going to want that. Because I didn’t believe in it, I didn’t ask for it. Instead, I had “asked” for a stressful work situation by failing to ask for what I did want.

But months later I was in the very position I knew would happen: my sweet baby crawling around while I worked, babbling and occasionally yelling or crying, and my ringing phone going unanswered until he was napping or being looked after by my husband. It was a stressful position as I knew I wasn’t fulfilling my obligation to my employer or to my clients. I remembered my ideal position, and started talking about it.

I talked about it to my husband. I brought it up with friends. Then I happened to mention it to the right person who said, “Hey, why don’t you call my friend Sue? I think she might have a spot like that for you.”


So I did talk to Sue and was very quickly offered the position, not just as I imagined it…even better! And it was all because I stopped complaining about having what I didn’t want and started talking about what I did want. It made all the difference in the world.

Are you “asking” for more of what you don’t want by complaining, commiserating or feeling trapped? Try turning it around and talking about improvements or what it would be like if…if my workload eased up, if I had more reliable transportation, if I had a better relationship with my family. Play the “what if” game in a positive way and feel free to visualize all the wonderful things that could be yours, if only you would ask for them!


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Showing 4 comments
  • Andy

    Hey Sis,
    Great blog! Question; I talk about what I want all the time (it seems) and yet nothing….nada….zilch. OR, am I just thinking about what I want and not verbalizing it as much as I think I am? 🙂

    • J. Belle Ortega

      Hi Andy! Thanks for reading and commenting! I think there are a lot of conscious and subconscious blocks that we need to overcome as part of this process. We may say to ourselves “I want to start XYZ business. I would be great at it!” Yet at the same time be thinking that it would “never work” because we believe our family wouldn’t support us, spouse wouldn’t let us, government regulation would get in the way, etc. These limiting beliefs will definitely interfere with our dreams becoming reality. And while they might be true at the time, if we don’t think we can overcome them we will never see the opportunities to advance our dream when they are presented to us.

  • Sheri

    OK, I never really thought of it like this. I do a lot of praying, yet I know it will all be in God’s will if he gives me something. But maybe I need to be more confident when I ask. I know he knows my heart, what’s good for me or not. I just feel like I’m never getting an answer at times. Or the new feeling of ” Wait, not yet” which is so frustrating. How do I deal with that feeling, and try to be content? All I can say is I do a lot of breathing techniques, lol

    • J. Belle Ortega

      Hi Sheri, sorry for the delay in responding! Not long ago I heard the following: “We pray for what we want. We visualize what we want. But we get what we expect.” I believe that’s true because what we expect is where our faith and belief lives. I would be surprised if a wheel of brie rose in the sky this morning instead of the sun because that would not be something that I expect…I have no belief in that event occurring. Perhaps the purpose of the waiting is to help us get to the place where we expect the miracle…to have our full belief behind that prayer being delivered to us so that when it is we are not surprised. Excited, yes! But surprised, no. I’m reminded of Matt 13:58 “And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.”

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